Soulful Parenting for a Peaceful and Happy Home

Kalee Boisvert: 00:00:15

Welcome to the wealth and wellness podcast with

Kalee Boisvert: 00:00:18

me Kaylie Bob air. I specialize in helping people to achieve

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their financial goals. I have a love for all things numbers, and

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I'm passionate about financial literacy. My goal is to spark

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healthy and positive conversations around wealth and

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investment and create a world where nobody is limited by their

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financial situation. But wealth is just one piece of the

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equation of living our best lives. So join me as we explore

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both wealth and wellness topics. From your net worth to your self

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worth. Get ready to take confident action. Hello, this is

Kalee Boisvert: 00:00:55

Kaylee. And thank you so much for tuning into this episode of

Kalee Boisvert: 00:00:59

the wealth and wellness Podcast. I'm really excited for today's

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guests that we have on today. We're doing a topic that I don't

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believe I have touched on at all yet on this podcast, which seems

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crazy to me because it's a very important one. We're talking

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about parenting and I am a mom to a seven year old daughter. So

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I'm looking forward to this conversation as well. So today

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we are joined by Alyssa rose. Alyssa is a soulful parenting

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mentor. She helps parents create awareness so that they can build

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peaceful happy homes with their children. Alyssa empowers moms

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to reduce stress and overwhelmed by mentoring them through their

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parenting journey, walking through any obstacles together

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and helping them to discover their inner power, which creates

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a deeper connection with their children to help them feel safe

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seen heard, and allows them to thrive and bloom. I love that. I

Kalee Boisvert: 00:01:54

love that.

Alissa Rose: 00:01:55

Thank you for having me on.

Kalee Boisvert: 00:01:57

Yes, thank you so much Alyssa for being here.

Kalee Boisvert: 00:01:59

And I think that is so important in your approach. It sounds so

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much in line with what we talked about on this podcast and what

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I'm so passionate about. So I love that. Just to get started,

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you maybe want to share with listeners a little bit about

Kalee Boisvert: 00:02:13

maybe your journey and what brought you to this point of

Kalee Boisvert: 00:02:17

doing the work that you're doing now.

Alissa Rose: 00:02:19

Sure. So I have four children of my own. I have

Alissa Rose: 00:02:23

one that is older 19 I have an 11 year old, a nine year old and

Alissa Rose: 00:02:27

a six year old. So um, so in my parenting journey, I obviously

Alissa Rose: 00:02:34

had my first one very young, got married very young and probably

Alissa Rose: 00:02:38

about I think it was like five or six years ago, I had gone to

Alissa Rose: 00:02:42

a Tony Robbins conference in Calgary and at that time, on the

Alissa Rose: 00:02:48

outside, I really looked like I had it all together. I was

Alissa Rose: 00:02:51

president of the PTA for two years in a row I showed up to

Alissa Rose: 00:02:54

all my kids school events, I was a stay at home mom, I did all

Alissa Rose: 00:02:59

the stereotypical things that you would think people do and

Alissa Rose: 00:03:04

and really just had it all together. And on the inside, I

Alissa Rose: 00:03:07

was absolutely dying inside. So at this Tony Robbins seminar, he

Alissa Rose: 00:03:11

said something along the lines of what would you need to do to

Alissa Rose: 00:03:14

make the change in order to live your best life. And in that

Alissa Rose: 00:03:18

moment, I knew that I needed to leave my husband. So a year

Alissa Rose: 00:03:23

later, I had done exactly that. And for me, that was my rock

Alissa Rose: 00:03:28

bottom. And so I started taking personal development really got

Alissa Rose: 00:03:34

involved in that really found a spiritual practice and my coach,

Alissa Rose: 00:03:39

my life coach, my mentor, Sheila says there are two ways to

Alissa Rose: 00:03:42

change your life. It's either through affirmations, or blowing

Alissa Rose: 00:03:46

up your life. And that is exactly what I did. I blew up my

Alissa Rose: 00:03:49

life, left my husband that I had been married to for almost 20

Alissa Rose: 00:03:52

years, and basically started over as a single mom. So I have

Alissa Rose: 00:03:58

walked through the fire. And now I want to help other moms walk

Alissa Rose: 00:04:03

through the fire as well. I want to help them create homes that

Alissa Rose: 00:04:08

they love with their children and reduce stress and overwhelm

Alissa Rose: 00:04:11

because there are so many aspects of parenting that cause

Alissa Rose: 00:04:15

stress and overwhelm and it can really take its toll on how we

Alissa Rose: 00:04:20

show up as parents.

Kalee Boisvert: 00:04:22

Yeah, I love that and thank you for sharing

Kalee Boisvert: 00:04:24

that I think a lot of people can relate there are a lot of you

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know, single moms out there. It moms in you know, second

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relationships and things like that. So it's a it's a very

Kalee Boisvert: 00:04:35

common scenario that we you know, can very much I can relate

Kalee Boisvert: 00:04:40

to being a single mom to my seven year old daughter as well.

Kalee Boisvert: 00:04:43

So yeah, thank you for sharing that in that journey that you

Kalee Boisvert: 00:04:48

had and I think that is important that yeah, what you've

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gone through yourself and I love that now that you've gone

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through that yourself is just sharing and and helping mentor

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and teach people along Along the way that might be going through

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similar scenarios. And, you know, maybe it might be a bit

Kalee Boisvert: 00:05:04

different. But you're right, there's so many elements to

Kalee Boisvert: 00:05:06

parenting, there's,

Unknown: 00:05:08

yes, yeah. And I would even also add that, even if

Unknown: 00:05:11

you're in relationship, you're in primary partnership with the

Unknown: 00:05:14

biological dad of your children. That isn't to say that there

Unknown: 00:05:19

isn't pieces of self awareness that don't kind of carry over.

Unknown: 00:05:24

So my personal experience is that of being a single mom, and

Unknown: 00:05:28

a lot of the concepts that I teach, and that I walk parents

Unknown: 00:05:31

through, or that have relationships. And so it's a

Unknown: 00:05:34

relationship that we're specifically talking about to

Unknown: 00:05:37

our children, and how we nourish that through the context of self

Unknown: 00:05:42

awareness. When I don't, I don't know that it really matters,

Unknown: 00:05:45

whether they are single moms or married moms, or any range in

Unknown: 00:05:50

between.

Kalee Boisvert: 00:05:52

Yep. Yeah, it is. It's just it's a whole

Kalee Boisvert: 00:05:54

different scenario. And at every age to that your child goes

Kalee Boisvert: 00:05:57

through, it's like, you always think, Okay, I got through that.

Kalee Boisvert: 00:06:00

And then it's just like a different version of another

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one. They get to, yeah. So that's always interesting, as

Kalee Boisvert: 00:06:09

well. And it keeps me guessing. Um, what would you say are some

Kalee Boisvert: 00:06:12

of the biggest challenges you're seeing for parents right now. So

Kalee Boisvert: 00:06:15

with everything that we've been going through with the pandemic,

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it's really changed, probably what parenting looks like. And

Kalee Boisvert: 00:06:22

just because it's changed kind of our our home lives and what

Kalee Boisvert: 00:06:24

it looks like in our work lives. And so what would you say are

Kalee Boisvert: 00:06:27

the biggest challenges you're seeing people right now have to

Kalee Boisvert: 00:06:30

navigate?

Unknown: 00:06:31

Yeah, that's a good one. Definitely. I think it

Unknown: 00:06:33

varies from person to person. And one of the big ones that I

Unknown: 00:06:36

see is isolation, generally, people are working from home,

Unknown: 00:06:40

they've got childcare. Whether they do or don't, they're, their

Unknown: 00:06:45

children are probably home a little bit more often. They're

Unknown: 00:06:48

isolated from family members from community from connection

Unknown: 00:06:52

from people who were there, so to speak, village, playdates are

Unknown: 00:06:57

probably not happening as often. And then it brings up a lot of

Unknown: 00:07:02

mental health stuff, I think. So anxiety, depression, from being

Unknown: 00:07:06

isolated. And, and certainly I can speak for myself and I talk

Unknown: 00:07:10

about this a lot is, when my kids are home for long periods

Unknown: 00:07:14

of time, they fight with each other, and everyone goes a

Unknown: 00:07:18

little bit stir crazy. And so I think the lack of support and

Unknown: 00:07:22

the mentality of that we're all in this together, but we're

Unknown: 00:07:26

actually doing it alone. And so that's, that's the main

Unknown: 00:07:31

challenge. And then what I recommend is finding your tribe

Unknown: 00:07:35

and finding people that are like minded finding, perhaps

Unknown: 00:07:40

mentorship or coaching or community, a moms group, some

Unknown: 00:07:44

type of connection, where, even though you might be alone,

Unknown: 00:07:48

you're not actually ever alone. Yeah,

Kalee Boisvert: 00:07:52

I love that. You're right, it is that whole,

Kalee Boisvert: 00:07:54

we're in this together. But you're right. It's not like

Kalee Boisvert: 00:07:57

we're having to do a lot more on our own. We don't have the same

Kalee Boisvert: 00:08:01

supports that exist. My daughter was she's home for being done

Kalee Boisvert: 00:08:06

school now for the holidays. And she was on like her tablet on

Kalee Boisvert: 00:08:11

Messenger and playing dolls with her friend. And that was funny,

Kalee Boisvert: 00:08:15

and be creative. Like, I guess we say, like, you know, keep

Kalee Boisvert: 00:08:18

screen time down. But it feels like this is a good use of

Kalee Boisvert: 00:08:20

screen time because they're actually just playing with their

Kalee Boisvert: 00:08:23

toys. And yeah, it's she's an only child. So I've felt for her

Kalee Boisvert: 00:08:28

throughout that pandemic, because she didn't have as much

Kalee Boisvert: 00:08:32

opportunity to interact with other kids too.

Unknown: 00:08:36

Yeah, absolutely. That's a great reframe on screen

Unknown: 00:08:38

time. Because the narrative that we've been fed on some level,

Unknown: 00:08:42

it's true that screentime causes all sorts of things for

Unknown: 00:08:45

children. But on the flip side, it's a way for them to have

Unknown: 00:08:50

connection, just like when we're on social media, and we're

Unknown: 00:08:53

seeing what other people are up to its connection for us as

Unknown: 00:08:56

well.

Kalee Boisvert: 00:08:57

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Um, what about then,

Kalee Boisvert: 00:09:02

speaking of kind of social media, I think of like, as

Kalee Boisvert: 00:09:05

parents, oftentimes, there's, there's a comparison and I think

Kalee Boisvert: 00:09:09

the easy comparison to make is through social media. And, you

Kalee Boisvert: 00:09:14

know, what we're seeing or, or friends and them doing with

Kalee Boisvert: 00:09:17

their children or other family members on social media, and it

Kalee Boisvert: 00:09:20

can be like, I guess, really overwhelming sometimes. Because

Kalee Boisvert: 00:09:24

it's a guess often. I mean, with social media, you're oftentimes

Kalee Boisvert: 00:09:28

seeing the best of it are those perfect moments, and we don't

Kalee Boisvert: 00:09:32

get to see maybe the messiness. But, you know, as we're seeing

Kalee Boisvert: 00:09:35

it, we're not really processing it that way. And we're like,

Kalee Boisvert: 00:09:37

wow, they seem to have it all together. And they make it look

Kalee Boisvert: 00:09:40

so easy. And oh, they're, you know, baking cookies and doing

Kalee Boisvert: 00:09:44

this activity, that activity and you're like, well, now I feel

Kalee Boisvert: 00:09:46

like a bad mom because that's not what I'm doing. And I don't

Kalee Boisvert: 00:09:50

have time for that right now. And so for for people that are

Kalee Boisvert: 00:09:54

feeling that, that pressure of the comparison, and social media

Kalee Boisvert: 00:09:58

in the hole, I think you had it in one year. post that I saw

Kalee Boisvert: 00:10:00

about that hole, like kind of underneath feeling like it just

Kalee Boisvert: 00:10:03

feels a lot more messy than what other people have going on.

Kalee Boisvert: 00:10:07

Like, what would you say about that for people?

Unknown: 00:10:10

Yeah, you know, I always joke, can I just I say, I

Unknown: 00:10:14

am some version of a hot mess all the way, no matter how put

Unknown: 00:10:18

together I seem, there's always something something's gotta

Unknown: 00:10:22

give, right? So I've known mums that have a perfect spotless

Unknown: 00:10:26

house, and their mental health has declined. And, and I think

Unknown: 00:10:31

that's the thing with social media is it's this comparison,

Unknown: 00:10:35

it's this platform where we look at other people's highlight

Unknown: 00:10:38

reels. And it reinforces this program, especially for women,

Unknown: 00:10:44

of not being worthy, and not being good enough. And it's why

Unknown: 00:10:48

I'm so passionate about what I do, because I know it's out

Unknown: 00:10:50

there. I know, it's on social media, it's a part of what we're

Unknown: 00:10:53

consuming, and it's contributing to the mentality and program of

Unknown: 00:10:57

lack and really affect how we parent and how we show up as

Unknown: 00:11:00

parents when we think that we're not good enough. I recently did

Unknown: 00:11:05

a social media cleanse, and I was off social media for seven

Unknown: 00:11:09

days, which doesn't seem like a lot. But in the grand scheme of

Unknown: 00:11:12

how long I've been on social media, it was, it was huge. And

Unknown: 00:11:16

so I recommend that now to anybody struggling with that

Unknown: 00:11:20

kind of comparison mentality. Just get off, get off social

Unknown: 00:11:24

media. And really focus on this one of the things, the core

Unknown: 00:11:29

principles that I teach as being present in the moment and being

Unknown: 00:11:33

really just grounded into what is happening right now. And

Unknown: 00:11:38

being on social media. It's not only a way of numbing, and

Unknown: 00:11:41

possibly checking out, but it also takes us out of the present

Unknown: 00:11:46

moment, and can really slip us into anxiety. Yeah,

Kalee Boisvert: 00:11:51

absolutely. I love that. So maybe doing a bit

Kalee Boisvert: 00:11:54

of a cleanse, or if you're feeling that way, especially if

Kalee Boisvert: 00:11:57

you can't like reframe it and remind yourself because again,

Kalee Boisvert: 00:12:00

when you're going through it, I find that it's not in our heads

Kalee Boisvert: 00:12:03

like Oh, reminder, you know, we're seeing the best of the

Kalee Boisvert: 00:12:06

baths are not going to people are less inclined to share that

Kalee Boisvert: 00:12:10

vulnerable side. And so have if that's not still not working,

Kalee Boisvert: 00:12:15

and it's like you said, when you're just kind of like

Kalee Boisvert: 00:12:18

scrolling through for, for coping, or for Yeah, just

Kalee Boisvert: 00:12:23

blindly doing that, and not really putting a lot of thought

Kalee Boisvert: 00:12:25

in but then realizing afterwards, like you feel you

Kalee Boisvert: 00:12:28

don't feel as great about yourself, you're like, No, I'm,

Kalee Boisvert: 00:12:31

I'm not doing enough, or I'm not good enough. So doing a cleanse,

Kalee Boisvert: 00:12:34

maybe your idea of being so doing, like being present. And

Kalee Boisvert: 00:12:40

grounding. What is that? Like? Do you want to elaborate a

Kalee Boisvert: 00:12:43

little bit about what that looks like?

Unknown: 00:12:45

Yeah, and I think the mentality of of being in the

Unknown: 00:12:50

doing of everything, especially for moms, and especially around

Unknown: 00:12:54

Christmas, right, there's endless to do lists, endless

Unknown: 00:12:58

things on the go. And if that piece around, just taking a

Unknown: 00:13:02

moment and pausing. And so I just did a video on this the

Unknown: 00:13:07

other day, one of the things that that can look like is and I

Unknown: 00:13:12

know it sounds so simplistic, but breathing. And so taking

Unknown: 00:13:18

that moment to really focus in on the breath, inhale for a

Unknown: 00:13:21

count of four, hold for a counter for an exhale for a

Unknown: 00:13:24

count of four. And just grounding into noticing the

Unknown: 00:13:29

breath. You can also do like just noticing, like the thing

Unknown: 00:13:33

that you're touching. So if you're sitting down on a chair

Unknown: 00:13:35

does, notice how the chair feels underneath you. If you're

Unknown: 00:13:38

looking at something, just notice, okay, I'm seeing this,

Unknown: 00:13:41

observing your surroundings and bringing yourself back into that

Unknown: 00:13:45

present moment. And so and so that's what I mean by grounding

Unknown: 00:13:48

and becoming present. Just focusing in.

Kalee Boisvert: 00:13:52

Okay, I love it. What else do Oh, what about?

Kalee Boisvert: 00:13:57

Okay, so single parents? Yeah. When it feels like you're

Kalee Boisvert: 00:14:01

juggling a lot, you're wearing multiple hats. You're, you're

Kalee Boisvert: 00:14:04

doing it all? Um, are there any tips you have? Because a lot of

Kalee Boisvert: 00:14:09

that can lead to very much being stressed overwhelm? Yeah, it's a

Kalee Boisvert: 00:14:15

lot when you have the sort of you don't have necessarily that

Kalee Boisvert: 00:14:19

extra person around to support you through all of it when it

Kalee Boisvert: 00:14:23

comes to children. So any kind of ideas or tips for single

Kalee Boisvert: 00:14:27

parents?

Unknown: 00:14:28

Yeah, I just, that's a great question finding community

Unknown: 00:14:33

or tribe, people who are like minded who you can get like, not

Unknown: 00:14:37

maybe not even physically gather with but in some way have that

Unknown: 00:14:41

safe place to be able to just be and if you can't find that lead

Unknown: 00:14:47

into rituals and routines. And so what does that look either

Unknown: 00:14:52

when you get up in the morning, throughout your day, and at the

Unknown: 00:14:56

end of the day, and so I've often heard that this just feels

Unknown: 00:14:59

like one more thing that you have to do. And so, like, on

Unknown: 00:15:02

some level, yeah, it is just one more thing that you have to do.

Unknown: 00:15:05

If this is the thing that fills your cup, in order for you to

Unknown: 00:15:10

feel replenished, and then you can give more to your children

Unknown: 00:15:15

to yourself, that in itself is going to reduce stress reduce

Unknown: 00:15:18

overall, and it doesn't have to be big, it can be like, doing

Unknown: 00:15:21

five sun salutations in the morning, every morning just to

Unknown: 00:15:26

ground in focus on breath, and, and bring yourself back to

Unknown: 00:15:31

yourself, essentially, and then carry on throughout your day. So

Unknown: 00:15:36

it doesn't have to be big or time consuming just that that

Unknown: 00:15:39

piece around. What is something I do every day? That's for

Unknown: 00:15:44

myself, and it doesn't need to take more than five minutes.

Kalee Boisvert: 00:15:47

Okay, okay. And I find to like some of the

Kalee Boisvert: 00:15:51

struggle, I guess for me personally, one of the struggles

Kalee Boisvert: 00:15:54

as a single mom, that's also building a business and having

Kalee Boisvert: 00:15:58

big goals, like being a high achiever and saying, but also I

Kalee Boisvert: 00:16:02

want to do this, this and this in my career. And yes, I'm a mom

Kalee Boisvert: 00:16:06

and a single mom, too. I found myself really hesitant to share

Kalee Boisvert: 00:16:09

that I'm a single mom with people because especially in the

Kalee Boisvert: 00:16:13

business sense, because I always assumed that they were going to

Kalee Boisvert: 00:16:15

jump to conclusions about, well, then you're not going to be as

Kalee Boisvert: 00:16:19

invested, you're not going to take this serious, or if you're

Kalee Boisvert: 00:16:21

you know, if your child's sick or something, you're going to be

Kalee Boisvert: 00:16:23

gone. And so what would you say for that, when it's that whole?

Kalee Boisvert: 00:16:27

Like that thing about? You know, you can have it all? And then

Kalee Boisvert: 00:16:30

it's like, well, no, you can't have it all. So what, what, what

Kalee Boisvert: 00:16:34

is that? And how does that look? And how can we help, you know,

Kalee Boisvert: 00:16:37

in that internal battle, where it feels like, also that we want

Kalee Boisvert: 00:16:41

almost like we want society to believe in us and our

Kalee Boisvert: 00:16:44

capabilities to and not judge us?

Unknown: 00:16:48

You know, that? That's a great question. It's something

Unknown: 00:16:50

I encounter as well. And, and I would say be gentle on yourself.

Unknown: 00:16:56

And, and yes, you can have it all. And I would add to that,

Unknown: 00:17:01

that something's got to give. And so, for me, I have come to

Unknown: 00:17:06

realize that cleaning my house is just not as important as some

Unknown: 00:17:10

of the other goals that I have. And so sometimes my dishes get

Unknown: 00:17:14

left undone at the end of the night. And it's something I've

Unknown: 00:17:18

I've just made my peace with and so, so on some level,

Unknown: 00:17:22

absolutely, you can have it all. But what needs what what will be

Unknown: 00:17:28

less important in that thing just needs to be able to, to not

Unknown: 00:17:32

happen. And for me, it's cleaning my house. It's never

Unknown: 00:17:34

been important to me. I've never been one of those people that's

Unknown: 00:17:38

been really antsy about having to get everything cleaned before

Unknown: 00:17:41

bed. And so for me letting that go is not that big of a deal.

Unknown: 00:17:44

And for someone else, it could be something else completely.

Kalee Boisvert: 00:17:47

Yeah, I'm there with you. I'm like, cleaning.

Kalee Boisvert: 00:17:50

Yeah, my mom always comes over to point out my the messiness or

Kalee Boisvert: 00:17:54

thinks she has to clean I'm like, Mom, it's okay. Yeah.

Kalee Boisvert: 00:17:57

Okay. It's not the priority, I do the priority. I agree with

Kalee Boisvert: 00:18:02

you just so having that priority, and being okay with

Kalee Boisvert: 00:18:05

it. And knowing that, that something has to give like, we

Kalee Boisvert: 00:18:08

can't do it all, there's only a certain amount of hours in the

Kalee Boisvert: 00:18:11

day. And let's prioritize the things that are important. When

Kalee Boisvert: 00:18:15

it comes to our, our work lives or being parents and, and things

Kalee Boisvert: 00:18:20

like that. What about like specific kind of things that

Kalee Boisvert: 00:18:25

come up with kids? So I don't know, I think maybe the reason I

Kalee Boisvert: 00:18:29

haven't had a call like this, I just I feel like a lot of the

Kalee Boisvert: 00:18:31

times my daughter IV she's just, she's really easy and chill. She

Kalee Boisvert: 00:18:35

listens. She just, you know, I'll be like, hey, you need to

Kalee Boisvert: 00:18:38

clean your room. It's getting messy or okay, it's bedtime, and

Kalee Boisvert: 00:18:40

it's time to go to sleep. And she'll go like, there's not,

Kalee Boisvert: 00:18:44

there's sometimes a little bit of pushback, they'll be like,

Kalee Boisvert: 00:18:46

Well, no, it's this time and that's bedtime. Okay. So I'm

Kalee Boisvert: 00:18:50

like, I guess I've been lucky. But there is there is certs of

Kalee Boisvert: 00:18:53

things coming up. And sometimes where I'm like, What do I do

Kalee Boisvert: 00:18:56

here? And so some of the common challenges kids have and one

Kalee Boisvert: 00:19:02

that's coming for IV I think is just like with her school and

Kalee Boisvert: 00:19:04

friendships, it sounds like there might be some like

Kalee Boisvert: 00:19:07

bullying going on. What about for people that have kids that

Kalee Boisvert: 00:19:11

maybe aren't as good have, you know, listeners and, and causes,

Kalee Boisvert: 00:19:17

you know, or challenge us more or having kids get motivated?

Kalee Boisvert: 00:19:22

Like, you know, schools a big one too with Ivy. Apparently she

Kalee Boisvert: 00:19:24

hates school. And so that's always tough, too, because I'm

Kalee Boisvert: 00:19:27

like, I liked school. So I don't understand. And so things like

Kalee Boisvert: 00:19:32

that, like, is there kind of ideas for some of these common

Kalee Boisvert: 00:19:36

obstacles that parents experienced with their children

Kalee Boisvert: 00:19:40

at sort of different stages and ages? Yeah.

Unknown: 00:19:44

You know, so interesting, even though these

Unknown: 00:19:45

things are common across the board, on some level with all

Unknown: 00:19:49

children right up, I would say probably safe to say that, on

Unknown: 00:19:54

some level, all children will experience some kind of

Unknown: 00:19:56

bullying. All parents say oh my kids listening to me, there

Unknown: 00:20:01

seems to always be an underlying theme of, kind of get them

Unknown: 00:20:04

motivated for school and homework. And so while that

Unknown: 00:20:08

these things are common, every situation is so different and so

Unknown: 00:20:12

unique, every child is so different and unique, and each

Unknown: 00:20:15

child has, like their own way of doing things. So there isn't

Unknown: 00:20:18

really like a one size fits all solution for these kinds of

Unknown: 00:20:22

things. And often these things are a symptom of something else.

Unknown: 00:20:26

So I help parents dive deep into what is going on to a place of

Unknown: 00:20:33

self self awareness. And so what is the deep into the behavior

Unknown: 00:20:38

that they're experiencing their child to be having, but also to

Unknown: 00:20:41

do some reflective work on how they can show up for their kids?

Unknown: 00:20:45

And what's going on for them. So I'll give you an example. With

Unknown: 00:20:49

not being into school and doing homework. My parents are very

Unknown: 00:20:53

secular based. And so if I ever was not into school, that would

Unknown: 00:20:57

be very triggering for them. And so what is it about whatever

Unknown: 00:21:01

that situation or issue is, that is triggering the parent, and

Unknown: 00:21:07

then I help the parents work through that trigger, so that in

Unknown: 00:21:11

whatever way they feel best serves their parent child

Unknown: 00:21:13

relationship, they can show up and parent from the best of

Unknown: 00:21:17

their abilities where they're showing up as 100%.

Kalee Boisvert: 00:21:21

Okay, that's interesting. So seeing Yeah, why

Kalee Boisvert: 00:21:25

is it cause like, if it's causing that inner turmoil or

Kalee Boisvert: 00:21:28

anxiety or like, oh, like, at your wit's end about something?

Kalee Boisvert: 00:21:32

What is it? Because I found out I took it on vacation recently.

Kalee Boisvert: 00:21:36

And I had said something like, I want to walk down to the beach,

Kalee Boisvert: 00:21:39

like, let's go do that after and she was like, No, I don't want

Kalee Boisvert: 00:21:41

to do that. And I was like, inside, I'm like, oh, no, you're

Kalee Boisvert: 00:21:43

doing like you're in your head, you're like, I took you on this

Kalee Boisvert: 00:21:46

trip, I've paid for your like, even. And I didn't get these

Kalee Boisvert: 00:21:49

opportunities when I was a kid, because we weren't able to

Kalee Boisvert: 00:21:52

afford it. So that was probably really triggering to me. It's

Kalee Boisvert: 00:21:55

almost like not being grateful. And, and her having this almost

Kalee Boisvert: 00:21:58

like expectation and me wanting to be like, You're lucky that

Kalee Boisvert: 00:22:02

you're even getting these things that I would have not even

Kalee Boisvert: 00:22:05

gotten anything near as a child. And so I think that's what

Kalee Boisvert: 00:22:08

really bothered me about her her reaction when she probably

Kalee Boisvert: 00:22:12

wasn't, she doesn't know. It's so fascinating that,

Unknown: 00:22:16

that when we have children, where we're guiding

Unknown: 00:22:19

them through their human experience, we get to see them

Unknown: 00:22:23

as mirrors for our own triggers, right? They really highlight to

Unknown: 00:22:27

us what is, you know, because they're triggering things in us

Unknown: 00:22:31

are highlighting to us what is still yet to be healed, what's

Unknown: 00:22:34

still yet to be worked on. So it's such a fascinating

Unknown: 00:22:37

relationship that we have with

Kalee Boisvert: 00:22:39

them. Yeah, yeah. And they're still Yeah,

Kalee Boisvert: 00:22:42

but they're your little buddies that will stick around for

Kalee Boisvert: 00:22:44

anything, too. So I'm like, I'm lucky that little my little

Kalee Boisvert: 00:22:47

sidekick, totally, you talk about like, deeper connections

Kalee Boisvert: 00:22:51

with children. So that's, it's an interesting idea. And

Kalee Boisvert: 00:22:54

thought, too, that maybe we don't really consider as

Kalee Boisvert: 00:22:57

parents, like, how can we make sure we're forming these deep

Kalee Boisvert: 00:23:00

connections? I think as all parents, we want to have a great

Kalee Boisvert: 00:23:04

relationship with our children. But then yeah, it seems like

Kalee Boisvert: 00:23:08

sometimes the busyness of life or the you know, it's, well we

Kalee Boisvert: 00:23:11

have to do this and then you do this and that and that we have

Kalee Boisvert: 00:23:13

to get this done. And there might be moments where it's

Kalee Boisvert: 00:23:15

like, you've been there and been present with your children, but

Kalee Boisvert: 00:23:18

you haven't really felt connected. So I think that's

Kalee Boisvert: 00:23:23

like an important reminder and and how is that that we that we

Kalee Boisvert: 00:23:27

make sure that we're doing that on on a daily base basis with

Kalee Boisvert: 00:23:31

our kids?

Unknown: 00:23:32

Right? Yeah, so I mean, connection. When you when

Unknown: 00:23:37

there's a parent child dynamic sometimes it's that it can be

Unknown: 00:23:43

seen like that the parent is the authority figure and on some

Unknown: 00:23:46

level Yes, we are we're there to set boundaries and direct them,

Unknown: 00:23:50

but it's not not really from a place of you do as I say, and

Unknown: 00:23:58

when I say jump, you say how high and in my opinion anyways,

Unknown: 00:24:01

and and so that piece around connection is really allowing

Unknown: 00:24:05

them to feel heard. And seen. So in the case where you wanted to

Unknown: 00:24:09

go for a walk with your daughter on the beach, and she wanted to

Unknown: 00:24:12

do something else. Just really getting curious about Okay,

Unknown: 00:24:16

fine. What is it that you what, why don't you want to go for

Unknown: 00:24:19

what what is it that you would rather do? Is there a way that

Unknown: 00:24:22

we can come to a solution where both of us feel like we're

Unknown: 00:24:25

getting what we want so both of us feel like we're walking away

Unknown: 00:24:28

with a win. And and I think sometimes things get blurred?

Unknown: 00:24:31

Because when it's a parent child relationship, like exactly what

Unknown: 00:24:34

you say those things get triggered in us right and said,

Unknown: 00:24:37

Well, why don't you want to go for a walk? I paid for this

Unknown: 00:24:39

vacation, of course, you should want to go for a walk with me.

Unknown: 00:24:42

And and so it's, it's dealing with those things that come up,

Unknown: 00:24:45

and so that we can have better, deeper connections with our

Unknown: 00:24:48

children.

Kalee Boisvert: 00:24:50

Yeah, yeah, I like that. And I think it's

Kalee Boisvert: 00:24:54

important because it's when I see certain things in IV Yeah,

Kalee Boisvert: 00:24:57

it's almost that it is triggering but at the same time

Kalee Boisvert: 00:25:00

You're it's you don't want to like, don't want it, that part

Kalee Boisvert: 00:25:03

of them to go away because it's when they're, when they're

Kalee Boisvert: 00:25:06

objecting or having an opinion or saying something back to you,

Kalee Boisvert: 00:25:10

when we're having these, okay, we need to do this or that or

Kalee Boisvert: 00:25:13

giving direction or whatever it looks like and, and they say

Kalee Boisvert: 00:25:16

something. And it's, I don't know, some people might consider

Kalee Boisvert: 00:25:19

it talking back and stuff, but I always see it, as you know, I'm

Kalee Boisvert: 00:25:22

glad she's saying something, I'm glad she has a voice. And I

Kalee Boisvert: 00:25:25

don't want to be the person that makes that leave her because I

Kalee Boisvert: 00:25:30

know, I was very quiet and shy it child. And I felt like that

Kalee Boisvert: 00:25:36

was a really big struggle than growing up into, like my adult

Kalee Boisvert: 00:25:39

years was having is finding my voice and feeling comfortable

Kalee Boisvert: 00:25:45

enough to express it because it was like that thought of, you

Kalee Boisvert: 00:25:48

know, as a kid, it was like, you're not supposed you're

Kalee Boisvert: 00:25:51

supposed to be seen and not heard. And that was what I was

Kalee Boisvert: 00:25:54

seeing around me and what the parents had is, you know,

Kalee Boisvert: 00:25:58

opinions of how children are supposed to be and, and so I

Kalee Boisvert: 00:26:02

think that would did me a really disservice like you spent 10

Kalee Boisvert: 00:26:05

years of your adult life trying to work that out of you saying,

Kalee Boisvert: 00:26:09

Well, I do have a voice, I'm allowed to express my opinion.

Kalee Boisvert: 00:26:12

So I think, you know, making sure with our kids that we're

Kalee Boisvert: 00:26:16

remembering that like we're creating these little human

Kalee Boisvert: 00:26:19

beings like so they grow up, like they're going to be adults

Kalee Boisvert: 00:26:22

one day, and what we're doing now is molding and shaping what

Kalee Boisvert: 00:26:27

they're going to what they are going to live their lives like

Kalee Boisvert: 00:26:30

or how they're the things they're going to have to, you

Kalee Boisvert: 00:26:32

know, deal with. And we don't want to have to, I don't think

Kalee Boisvert: 00:26:34

any of us want our children to have to deal with like, you

Kalee Boisvert: 00:26:37

know, inner battles or going through years of therapy or

Kalee Boisvert: 00:26:41

something like that, because it's something that we did and

Kalee Boisvert: 00:26:43

not even, maybe inadvertently or not even realizing so I guess,

Kalee Boisvert: 00:26:48

understanding like how can we make sure that we're helping our

Kalee Boisvert: 00:26:52

children like supporting them, get getting these values in

Kalee Boisvert: 00:26:55

place like that. Self love and confidence and you know, these

Kalee Boisvert: 00:27:01

things that we want them to be and as adults and grow into, and

Kalee Boisvert: 00:27:07

I'm sure that everything we're doing now is probably very much

Kalee Boisvert: 00:27:10

shaping it like I even think of just kids with money. And with

Kalee Boisvert: 00:27:14

what I do, I'm always reminding people to teach your kids about

Kalee Boisvert: 00:27:17

money and talk to your kids about money, because they're

Kalee Boisvert: 00:27:19

gonna be adults that have money one day, and we don't do that.

Kalee Boisvert: 00:27:23

It's almost like we just, we don't necessarily remember that

Kalee Boisvert: 00:27:26

we have to prepare them for adult life. And, and these are

Kalee Boisvert: 00:27:30

the values we want them to have and, you know, living their best

Kalee Boisvert: 00:27:33

lives. So I guess how can we make sure that we're, you know,

Kalee Boisvert: 00:27:37

letting them, like grow up as these little human beings and

Kalee Boisvert: 00:27:41

that we can, in all ways possible create, like a healthy

Kalee Boisvert: 00:27:45

future for them as well?

Unknown: 00:27:48

Yeah, I mean, that's, that's so great. And I think

Unknown: 00:27:50

that, ultimately, is the goal for most people. And it's a

Unknown: 00:27:54

piece around that, you know, we have that awareness that, hey, I

Unknown: 00:27:57

have spent a large portion of my adult life unlearning certain

Unknown: 00:28:02

traits that didn't serve me, and how can I not pass that down to

Unknown: 00:28:06

my children. So first of all, having that awareness of, hey,

Unknown: 00:28:09

this isn't serving, and I need to do something different. So

Unknown: 00:28:12

the only way that we'll get a different result is if we do

Unknown: 00:28:16

something different, you always do the same thing that you've

Unknown: 00:28:18

always done, the same thing that you've always been taught,

Unknown: 00:28:21

you're going to get the same results. And so the first piece

Unknown: 00:28:25

is having that awareness. And then the second piece is then

Unknown: 00:28:28

creating a different result. So what is the thing that we need

Unknown: 00:28:31

to do be or have to be able to create a different, a different

Unknown: 00:28:36

result in our child and so I love what you said about that,

Unknown: 00:28:41

you know, you want your child to be able to come to you even

Unknown: 00:28:44

though it's triggering for you. And so, it's a piece around

Unknown: 00:28:47

like, Thank you, thank you for trusting me, thank you for being

Unknown: 00:28:49

honest with me. Thank you for feeling safe enough with me to

Unknown: 00:28:54

voice your feelings, even though I don't really like what you

Unknown: 00:28:57

said. And I'm feeling really upset and hurt right now. I just

Unknown: 00:29:00

want to thank you for being so honest with me, and let's figure

Unknown: 00:29:02

out something else. So that's, that's kind of the first piece

Unknown: 00:29:05

and so, um, and then secondly, to be able to, to once having

Unknown: 00:29:11

that awareness. What is the new possibility? And so stepping

Unknown: 00:29:16

into that piece around? That there are actually limitless

Unknown: 00:29:20

possibilities. And so when we step outside the box of what

Unknown: 00:29:23

we've always known, there are so many different ways and options.

Unknown: 00:29:27

And you know, I joke sometimes like, Yes, I'm, I'm breaking the

Unknown: 00:29:31

pattern of what has always been, but possibly, I mean, the

Unknown: 00:29:35

possibility exists, that I'm creating a whole other set of

Unknown: 00:29:39

issues, but I'm breaking the patterns that have always not

Unknown: 00:29:42

served me. So that's, that's where we'll just sit and focus

Unknown: 00:29:46

on.

Kalee Boisvert: 00:29:47

Yeah, I love that. So yeah, being aware of

Kalee Boisvert: 00:29:49

what those patterns were what didn't serve us and just saying

Kalee Boisvert: 00:29:53

reminding ourselves, you know, where that might be coming up.

Kalee Boisvert: 00:29:57

is so important. I think that's those are awesome ideas. And

Kalee Boisvert: 00:30:00

like you said, just saying, Thank you, that's a good, good

Kalee Boisvert: 00:30:02

approach being like, thank you for bringing that up or Thank

Kalee Boisvert: 00:30:05

you, you know, for being open to share that with me. Because you,

Kalee Boisvert: 00:30:08

you want that you want that open dialogue and communication. I

Kalee Boisvert: 00:30:12

love that. What about another thing I find I'm, I guess I'm

Kalee Boisvert: 00:30:18

using myself as I'm learning a lot. These are good, important

Kalee Boisvert: 00:30:21

lessons for me. But another one, and I think it has to do with

Kalee Boisvert: 00:30:24

money too. And I think of it's important because it's very much

Kalee Boisvert: 00:30:28

overlaps with what I do. But it's, it's like our money

Kalee Boisvert: 00:30:32

stories and what we're passing on to our kids. So for instance,

Kalee Boisvert: 00:30:35

I grew up very much, we struggled, and it was, we didn't

Kalee Boisvert: 00:30:40

have a lot when it came to finances, that was very much a

Kalee Boisvert: 00:30:43

stressful topic. And so that's what I grew up experiencing. And

Kalee Boisvert: 00:30:49

then I knew as a mom, now to my daughter, it was, well, I never

Kalee Boisvert: 00:30:52

want her to feel that I never want her to not be able to get

Kalee Boisvert: 00:30:55

what she wants or asked for. And so I feel like though the

Kalee Boisvert: 00:30:59

pendulum kind of swings too far the other way. And you're

Kalee Boisvert: 00:31:03

starting to, you know, be on the verge of I guess, like spoiling

Kalee Boisvert: 00:31:06

your child. And and so it's how do we find that balance? How do

Kalee Boisvert: 00:31:11

we make sure that we're not going so far the other direction

Kalee Boisvert: 00:31:15

because of something we went through that, that maybe it's

Kalee Boisvert: 00:31:19

like, you're sort of doing a disservice

Unknown: 00:31:21

in another way? Right? And so that's, that's why I joke

Unknown: 00:31:24

about, yes, I'm breaking the one pattern, but possibly in life,

Unknown: 00:31:28

creating a new one. And I think really, it comes back down to

Unknown: 00:31:33

the self awareness piece, that, that you have that mentality or

Unknown: 00:31:38

that awareness that that program, you know about that

Unknown: 00:31:41

program of lack, and, and while you don't want it to swing

Unknown: 00:31:46

completely the other way, where you're now creating a program of

Unknown: 00:31:51

we can have anything we want no matter what, and then possibly

Unknown: 00:31:55

creating another problem. It's that peace around self awareness

Unknown: 00:31:58

in that. What kinds of conversations are we having

Unknown: 00:32:01

around money. So I'll give you an example of something that

Unknown: 00:32:03

recently happened, I recently had my carpets cleaned in my

Unknown: 00:32:06

house. And when I talked to the guy, he said it was going to

Unknown: 00:32:08

cost X amount of dollars, what he forgot to tell me was that

Unknown: 00:32:11

it's X amount of dollars per hour. So when I got the bill, it

Unknown: 00:32:15

was probably about three times as much as I had expected to

Unknown: 00:32:18

pay. And my kids were like, can we make carpets, we're still

Unknown: 00:32:21

wet. And we're like, can we go sleep in a hotel tonight, I just

Unknown: 00:32:26

spent a lot of money, so no. And so really then being mindful of

Unknown: 00:32:31

the languaging that I was using, that it wasn't out of lack, that

Unknown: 00:32:37

we're not going to go spend the night in a hotel, because our

Unknown: 00:32:40

carpets are still wet. But but be mindful that enter money is

Unknown: 00:32:46

energy. This is a whole other topic that I'm sure we could do

Unknown: 00:32:49

another podcast on, the money is actually energy. And so while

Unknown: 00:32:53

sometimes it goes, it also flows back to us. And when we live in

Unknown: 00:32:56

a place of abundance, and not lack, that it'll actually just

Unknown: 00:32:59

come back to us. But we do have to be mindful and responsible

Unknown: 00:33:02

and have boundaries around how we're spending our money.

Unknown: 00:33:05

Because even though we live in abundance, we can't just spend

Unknown: 00:33:08

all willy nilly. And so I think it's the type and quality of the

Unknown: 00:33:12

conversations you're using, and having and really the languaging

Unknown: 00:33:16

that you're using, and having those conversations with the

Unknown: 00:33:18

kids and catching yourself. So that's the self awareness piece,

Unknown: 00:33:21

right? There's always layers upon layers to self awareness.

Unknown: 00:33:25

And, and so it's a self awareness piece around. Okay, I

Unknown: 00:33:29

just said that I spoke that out into the universe. Now. Now I

Unknown: 00:33:34

want to explain what I meant by that. And so having those

Unknown: 00:33:37

conversations with the kids.

Kalee Boisvert: 00:33:39

Yeah, that's, that's awesome. And I think,

Kalee Boisvert: 00:33:42

too, with what you're saying, and what I'm getting is, it's

Kalee Boisvert: 00:33:45

just that, you know, this takes more dialogue more open, like

Kalee Boisvert: 00:33:49

conversation and communication with our children instead of

Kalee Boisvert: 00:33:52

just being like, no, because I said, so. It's giving them an

Kalee Boisvert: 00:33:56

explanation. And, and it's just like, I think of it akin to

Kalee Boisvert: 00:34:00

like, training someone new for a position like at first you have

Kalee Boisvert: 00:34:03

to give them a lot of information when you're

Kalee Boisvert: 00:34:05

training. And, and you do a lot of like explaining, but you do

Kalee Boisvert: 00:34:10

it because you want them to learn it. Because if you're not

Kalee Boisvert: 00:34:13

then down the line, no one's going to pick up any information

Kalee Boisvert: 00:34:15

or learn anything and, and if you're just sort of throwing

Kalee Boisvert: 00:34:18

orders at them or saying, you know, just do this, this, this

Kalee Boisvert: 00:34:21

but not explaining the whys and the ins and outs that are going

Kalee Boisvert: 00:34:23

to learn it and then they're not going to be able to apply and go

Kalee Boisvert: 00:34:26

forward. So it's almost like having to take the long road

Kalee Boisvert: 00:34:29

with our children. Oh, it's like we're training them. We're there

Kalee Boisvert: 00:34:32

to we're teaching they're learning. And so we do have to

Kalee Boisvert: 00:34:36

give those sometimes long winded explanations and dialogue. But

Kalee Boisvert: 00:34:41

at the end of the day, it's to save us from having these

Kalee Boisvert: 00:34:43

conversations over and over again to

Unknown: 00:34:46

Yeah, I love that they're they're adults in

Unknown: 00:34:48

training. Yeah.

Kalee Boisvert: 00:34:49

And we're helping Tran. I love it. Okay,

Kalee Boisvert: 00:34:51

can you share just to be mindful of time I love this

Kalee Boisvert: 00:34:53

conversation. Like we could probably have lots more chats

Kalee Boisvert: 00:34:57

about this, but I know You have a new parenting group coming up

Kalee Boisvert: 00:35:03

that's starting, I think in the new year. So do you want to

Kalee Boisvert: 00:35:06

share a little bit about that with listeners?

Unknown: 00:35:08

Yeah, I'd love to thank you. So I just noticed that

Unknown: 00:35:15

connection is obviously missing during the time of COVID. And in

Unknown: 00:35:18

general, right, it's it's very easy to feel isolated as a mom.

Unknown: 00:35:23

I've joined moms groups in the past. And really, they've

Unknown: 00:35:27

affirmed to me my unworthiness. And that was the same thing that

Unknown: 00:35:31

we talked about earlier, just really feeling like everyone

Unknown: 00:35:34

else has it all together, and I am falling apart. And so it's a

Unknown: 00:35:38

place where not only do we build community and connection, but

Unknown: 00:35:42

also we'll be talking about different themes every month.

Unknown: 00:35:45

And so we'll talk about things like creating the possibility of

Unknown: 00:35:50

a win win for your child. What does it looks like for us to be

Unknown: 00:35:55

able to truly take self care, and that doesn't look like

Unknown: 00:35:58

bubble baths in a day at the spa. And then do some teaching

Unknown: 00:36:02

around that. And then it's also an accountability group. So

Unknown: 00:36:06

taking inspired action to create the results that we want in our

Unknown: 00:36:10

lives and with our children so that we can live peaceful happy

Unknown: 00:36:13

homes. It's a place where people can come check in we'll help

Unknown: 00:36:16

with these books, accountability group. And just some space and

Unknown: 00:36:21

time for us to actually create deliberate time for ourselves.

Unknown: 00:36:28

So it's two hours every month, where we're taking that space

Unknown: 00:36:33

for ourselves to create results in our lives. I love that

Kalee Boisvert: 00:36:38

I think that's such a good idea. And, and like

Kalee Boisvert: 00:36:41

you're saying, it's it's inclusive, it's welcoming. It's

Kalee Boisvert: 00:36:44

not that to make you feel like you're doing you know, you're

Kalee Boisvert: 00:36:47

not doing it right or to make you have the the guild after

Kalee Boisvert: 00:36:51

when you leave that that's the exact opposite of what is trying

Kalee Boisvert: 00:36:54

to do. And I think that's amazing. Like, I think for any

Kalee Boisvert: 00:36:57

parents, I'm very interested in joining. So I'll ask you for

Kalee Boisvert: 00:37:00

some details after and we can I guess we can share the link this

Kalee Boisvert: 00:37:02

will air early in the new year. So will you be able to share the

Kalee Boisvert: 00:37:07

link and I can add it to the show notes. Absolutely. Perfect.

Kalee Boisvert: 00:37:10

Okay. So I'll make sure I include that. I'll I guess we've

Kalee Boisvert: 00:37:14

got to wrap up for time purposes. But thank you so much,

Kalee Boisvert: 00:37:17

Alyssa. This was amazing. And I loved all your ideas. And it

Kalee Boisvert: 00:37:21

just it feels it feels comfortable. It feels good. If I

Kalee Boisvert: 00:37:26

love this kind of conversation about parenting.

Unknown: 00:37:28

Thank you so much for having me on. I really enjoyed

Unknown: 00:37:30

talking to you.

Kalee Boisvert: 00:37:31

Thank you. All right, thank you so much. And

Kalee Boisvert: 00:37:34

thank you everyone for your time and tuning in. And I will catch

Kalee Boisvert: 00:37:37

you on next week's episode as well. Bye for now.

Kalee Boisvert: 00:37:49

I hope you found value in this episode. And because I'm such a

Kalee Boisvert: 00:37:53

proponent of taking confident action, I want to pose a

Kalee Boisvert: 00:37:56

question to you the listener. What is one action that you feel

Kalee Boisvert: 00:38:00

inspired to take after listening to today's episode? If you enjoy

Kalee Boisvert: 00:38:05

listening, please subscribe and share with your friends and

Kalee Boisvert: 00:38:08

family. Thank you so much and I will catch you next time