Letting go of Past Money Beliefs to Create an Intentional Relationship with your Money

Kalee Boisvert: 00:00:15

Welcome to the wealth and wellness podcast with me Kaylie Bob air, I specialize in helping people to achieve their financial goals. I have a love for all things numbers, and I'm passionate about financial literacy. My goal is to spark healthy and positive conversations around wealth and investment, and create a world where nobody is limited by their financial situation. But wealth is just one piece of the equation of living our best lives. So join me as we explore both wealth and wellness topics. From your net worth to your self worth, get ready to take confident action. Hello, this is Kaylee. And thank you for taking the time to listen to this episode of the wealth and wellness Podcast. Today, I wanted to take time to talk about a very important topic. I say that all the time. Obviously, this, this whole podcast is very important. Okay, so this very important topic that does play a big role in your financial life. So today, I'm talking all about letting go of past money beliefs, to create an intentional relationship with your money, I get to talk to people about their finances on a daily basis, which I absolutely love. But what is so interesting in my conversations, is the power of early influences on how people currently interact with their money. So really influences that come up in our relationships today with our money. So I find it, frankly, I find it fascinating what comes up from what we've learned or what we saw our parents deal with. So I get to hear stories, such as, for instance, why someone feels very risk adverse with their money, because of negative experiences that maybe happen to their parents when they were like children and what they witnessed their parents go through, that caused their parents to lose money on investment for interest, for instance. So it's crazy to think that what happened, you know, 20 plus years ago in your life to someone else, so not even to yourself, and how it can actually have a lasting impact on you and shape your own behavior. With your money today in present time. So it's, it's just to me mind blowing to think that these experiences that we maybe saw parents or people we know, again, in our childhood, we saw them going through it, and that those can actually shape what we're doing today with our own money. But this does really happen. And it happens quite often I hear these stories from people. And so it's why I think we need to dive deeper into this concept, our beliefs and behaviors about money. What I believe about these beliefs is that they truly need to be our own beliefs, and they need to come from more from a more mature place in our lives. So what do I mean by that? Well, what I mean is that so many of these beliefs we pick up in our earliest years. So all sorts of personal growth and development books, we'll talk about how these early years of our lives are so important so that the years of they say like zero to seven, maybe some say zero to six, or zero to eight. But they talk about how they're so vital, because they're the years when our brains are developing, and they're forming our subconscious beliefs, from everything that we're taking in. So, so much of who we are, is being built in these early years of our lives. Well, to me, this is a bit alarming as it relates to money because that means that you're forming foundational beliefs about money during a time in your life where you're barely understand math, and you've not even started earning any income. Unless your parents were terrible parents that made you go get a job when you're five years old. That's terrible. I hope that didn't happen to anyone. So you know, in less as the case it's coming from a place where you're so young, and you're you're learning things about the money and what's going on with people's money, but you don't even really probably fully understand or grasp the concept of what money is. It's being picked up again, from your parents from people that are major, play a major role in your life guardians. And then

Kalee Boisvert: 00:04:45

what wasn't gonna say, and then you're not even given the option to really choose those mentors, right? So when you're a kid, you know, the people you're around that you're learning from are just the people that are in your lives again, whether it's family or friends. It's in that circle of influence. You have, you're not necessarily getting to choose your ideal mentors at the time either when it comes to money. So it's not like you got to necessarily, you know, hang out with like the Elon Musk's of the world or something like that, to be forming these foundational beliefs, we're really sort of, we get what was given to us at the time being. And these are your, your teachers, these are who you're learning about money from, and developing your beliefs about money from.

Kalee Boisvert: 00:05:30

So from this, I asked you to really think back to the early money messages from your childhood, and what was the primary messaging that you were receiving? If all you heard was negative messaging around the subject of money, you may have developed some beliefs that money is bad, so maybe, you know, the idea of thinking when people have a lot of money, it's greedy, maybe having fear or shame around money. So when you make, you know, money, if you made like a money, err, you did something in your past that you weren't really proud of when it came to your money that maybe you feel shame about, you're hiding it, you don't want to talk to anyone about it, you don't want to move forward, or take action because you're stuck still in that fear and that shame. On the other hand, maybe you primarily heard positive messaging about money, which is fabulous, if that was the case, and and maybe you find yourself feeling really optimistic, maybe you see, you spot the opportunities, you see abundance everywhere around you, you look at money, as you know, a tool that provides a sense of freedom, you see the possibilities when it comes to money. Unfortunately, from my own experience, and from what I encountered with a lot, what I encountered with a large percentage of the people I meet with is that there's a lot more of that negativity, the negative influences, I see that more so outweigh that positivity in the, in the positive influences about money. And again, you know, that's unfortunate, and hopefully, things are changing, and it is going to be more of a positive mentality that we're, we're sharing the beliefs with going forward. So maybe for this next generation, if you have children, and you're listening to this podcast, you know, we can change that. But again, I see a lot coming from that negative space, not necessarily in the realm of abundance, and, and so those early money messages aren't, you know, if that's the case, they're not necessarily supporting a positive money mindset, or a positive relationship with your money going forward. So early money messages can and do influence your current relationship with money. And that is why it's important for us to look back and revisit what these might have been for you. And then once we do that, we're able to get a better understanding about where your money beliefs have come from. So the beliefs that you have today, if we can understand, you know, where did those come from? And then once you do that, you get to sort of actually take a better look at them and say, you know, what, I choose these beliefs going forward? Are these beliefs serving me? Do I like the messaging that these beliefs have? Or is it time to let go of some or even all of these beliefs, and develop ones that are more of your choosing ones that you get to be intentional about, again, instead of being the passive observer that was taking on these money, beliefs and money messages from an early age? Can you now at your stage of life decide, hey, you know, that didn't come from a place of really understanding money or where I am today, and what I want that to look like, for me going forward, again, coming from a place or a stage of your life where you're more mature and can be more intentional. So reviewing these beliefs that could have formed when we're young, very young, as little as you know, a few years old, or maybe it's when you were five, and you saw something happen with money, you know, with your parents or someone else in your life, or maybe it was when you were 10, or when you were a teenager, but again, instead of those beliefs that weren't as informed and you don't have that same, I guess, knowledge that you have today. Yes, looking back, are there any that you want to say, hey, this isn't serving me this isn't really coming from a place of my own belief. It's something I picked up from my parents, but it's not something I want to choose to believe going forward. So since this is really purse In all and will be different for everyone, I can only speak to my own early childhood and, and young adult experiences surrounding money. But I find or I was hoping that sharing an exploring my own experiences that might help you sort of it might prompt something your own reflection or you know, have you recalling something that happened in your own past experiences that you're realizing might be influencing you now. So, for instance, in my own life, I was raised by a single mom and my dad didn't provide any financial support at all growing up. So we were in a constant state of trying to stay afloat really, when it came to finances, like my mom really struggled in in that realm, she worked very hard, and had to in order to, you know, paid it for pay for us pay to support my sister and I. And what I really saw then was money was stressful when he was, there was a lot of struggle that went along with it. So really, the theme that summed up the money messages and the money, beliefs that were forming in my household was that money, you know, we never have enough we can afford to buy nice things. Money doesn't grow on trees, like that's what I was hearing on repeat. So money was never really a positive thing. In my upbringing, it was really this thing that was negative, it was heavy. It was stressful. And so for me, especially my younger years, when I took a chance, and I would ask for something like, you know, kids do when you when you take a kid to a store, watch out.

Kalee Boisvert: 00:11:46

But I really already knew the answer from my mom. So it would be something like one of the following. That's too expensive. We don't have any money. I can't afford that. So maybe some of these phrases resonate with the money messages from your childhood? Or were your early money memories much different? And if so, in what ways? So take a moment, and really reflect on the following questions I want you to reflect on so take a minute and kind of answer whether writing down or in your head. In your childhood. What messages about money? Do you recall hearing? Okay, so what were the messages that you recall hearing about money? And then, just from that, that summer, summarizing yourself, you know, did these messages tend to have a more positive or negative theme surrounding money? So from your childhood, was the messaging more positive? Or was it more negative? Okay, so answering that in your own mind, or kind of going through, you know, your scenario. Now, you might be asking, Okay, so what? You know, so what if I heard those phrases? So what if it was positive? So what if it was negative? You know, why should I care? Why does that matter? Now, we'll again, why this matters is because these very early experiences, shape your money beliefs, the ones you have right now. So what you might be holding on to and believing about money is actually from then that's where it started. That's where it was created. Personally, so for me, it was several years ago, this kind of like, Aha hit me several years ago. So as I was growing my financial advisors, advisory business,

Kalee Boisvert: 00:13:40

I was feeling that I'd really kind of hit a wall in my earnings potential. So, you know, at the time, I was feeling really frustrated, and I had a life coach. And she pointed out to me that maybe this was a signal that I was, there was still a lot of baggage around my money mindset. And that came a lot from my growing up in my, you know, what I witnessed what I saw with money, from my own experience from what I went through with my mom being a single mom and really struggling with finances. And she thought that maybe I'm still holding on to a lot of that baggage that needed to be unpacked. And this was really news to me, because, you know, I had no idea that what I picked up from my childhood was still with me, even though it had nothing to do with my present situation. So I was in a great point in my career, I was growing a successful business. You know, there was nothing like what my mom was going through, there wasn't the struggle, there wasn't the stress to make my bills. That was fine. I was doing well. So I don't didn't understand that. Well, how what I experienced as a child, which was a much different scenario was something that was still coming up or impacting my current reality. And I probably, you know, frankly, I didn't want to believe it was true because when when you realize that you, you know that it means you have some inner work to do. And you're like, Wow, that's a lot of work. But the more time I spent really paying attention to the thoughts that were coming up around money, the more I realized that she was right. So I spent some time working through those thoughts. And I did that with her. So I was working through some of the thoughts I was having. And I also spent a lot of time individually working through it. Because again, as I was seeing that, and it was that aha moment, for me, I was like, wow, if this is happening to me, this is happening to a lot of other people, this is happening to my clients, and the more I can understand it, and work through it for myself, the more I can help other people. So I read books on the topics of, you know, money, mindset, abundance manifestation. And it really pointed me in the direction, what came up for me was that I needed to do a deeper dive. And that likely, you know, it needed to be a journaling, exercise and some meditation as well. So I wrote down some of my early money experiences to help me understand their origins, where they came from, and how they are going, they were still informing my current beliefs about money. So for me, that journaling, and that kind of quiet time and reflection, it had a really powerful impact in my life by giving me that gift of awareness. And so I really encouraging you as the listener to also dig deeper into the messages that you received about money throughout your childhood, your early adolescent years, your teenage years even. And again, you know, were these positive or they're in a worthy, negative. But below or even, you are sorry, what I want to ask now are coming up, or, you know, following this statement, what I want to ask is that you maybe take time to even journal your answers to some of these questions that will go even deeper. So not even just the generic, hey, was it positive? Was it negative what I was learning about money, but going even deeper into some of these questions? So again, I'm a strong believer in the power of writing things down rather than just mentally answering the questions. So if you can, please take time to write down your answers to these questions, to allow more time and more freedom and space to go really deeper in the exploration. So I think going deeper into these questions, writing your answers down, is really going to bring up a lot more information for you. So again, I think it would be very beneficial for listeners for you listening right now, to take some time or write these down, journal them, it's going to give you the ability, then to revisit it from time to time to have things come up for you again, so writing it down, you'll have it you know, now and into the future that you can come back and look at it. So give yourself some time, quiet space. And these are prompts really to help guide you into the exploration. But if you're inspired to add more, or to change these questions, to better suit your own experience, I welcome you to do so. So here's my prompts or questions that I'm hoping that you can spend some time with. Okay, so the first one, what is your earliest memory of money? And why does this memory stand out to you? The next question, what kind of relationship did your parents or guardians have with money?

Kalee Boisvert: 00:18:40

Next, growing up, how was money talked about in your household? Were the conversations mostly positive or negative? And was there ever conflict present when money was being discussed? Okay, next question. Did you or someone you love ever have a painful or shameful experience surrounding money? Again, this can be in your past, it can be early memories. It can be ones that happened, you know, even just a few years ago, or several years ago, if that's what's coming up. Okay, one more. Few more, actually. So, what were some of the common words that were used when talking about money throughout your childhood? And what money messages can you remember hearing so maybe which ones stood out for you the most? What money lessons or advice did you receive from parents or other important influences in your life growing up? So what were the lessons you were hearing or receiving? And then lastly, as a child when you received money as a gift or earned it in some form, so allowance or maybe, or maybe when you started working, when your parents put you to work at five, just getting maybe just an early jobs? So when you receive this money, you very early on in your childhood, what is it? What did you do with it? That's a fun little question. Okay, so those were my questions for you, hopefully, you've taken some time to pause to write those down to answer them in your own for your from your own experience. But I just wanted to share a little bit again, going into my experience, again, because I can only speak for what I personally went through. But what I discovered in my own journaling exercise. And what might emerge for you as well is that it was just this awareness that came out. So it was an awareness about the beliefs I had around money, and even the exact instances of where they might have originated, which was really neat to see. One belief, for instance, that I was holding on to about money was that that money was really hard. So it was really hard to get money, it's hard to keep money, it's hard to earn money. And I realize what, like what that was linked to, for me, was watching my mom work really hard. And most specifically, it was a time in our lives when she was working five jobs at that point in time to support us. So literally working hard working all hours of the day working five jobs. So that is where that money is hard belief for me came from. So I found myself then moving forward. And going into my working years that I thought that if I wanted to earn more money, if I wanted to have a lot of money, that it was going to be really hard, it was going to require very hard work like, you know, working all hours the day, putting everything into it, that that's what would have to happen if I wanted to have money. Another one that came up for me. And this was kind of later on when I was working with a theta healer. And we were uncovering some of these beliefs I had about money. And this was an interesting one for me. So it was that money is dangerous, which is so, so weird. And I don't know if I would have come across this one in my own journaling. But I had this belief that money is dangerous, and it came from so I grew up in a neighborhood where it wasn't the greatest neighborhoods. So there was a lot of theft that went on in our neighborhood. So what I learned from that is, you know, you don't show off, when you have nice things, if you have nice things, you know, you better hide it, you better you know, not tell anyone about it, lock it away, like because it's not safe. Because if if you do show it If you do put it out there that someone's gonna take it from you, it'll it will be taken from you and, and that's what I experienced then like time and again. So it's, you know, I was like 16, I had my car that I saved up for and I had my CDs in it and someone had broken into my car and stolen all my CDs. And then I had a house party, and my best friend, she spent the whole night babysitting the valuables in my house, because she saw caught some guys trying to walk out with the TV. So she said, when she saw that she spent the rest of the night being on basically, you know, theft to do to your being a security guard for my house. Which I think is hilarious like to think back now. So you know, no one got away with a TV thanks to my friend Ashley, but

Kalee Boisvert: 00:23:27

hilarious to think are crazy to think that I thought that, that having money was dangerous. And that's a belief I held on to from from that experience. And you know, looking at that now and seeing it, it's it's not the reality of my situation right now, it doesn't serve me, of course, to believe that money's dangerous. So it's crazy to see these things that happened in our life, that they can be so impactful to create these underlying beliefs that we're holding about money, that again, could you know very much be working against us, and not serving us to build that financial life that we want to have. So what's so impactful about the journaling and going deeper into your own beliefs is that awareness it brings up again, it was only going through this and really diving deeper where these specific examples were coming up for me of what these were and where they came from and why I was feeling this way about money. So and it's, it's only from awareness. So we you know, awareness is where we have to start awareness is what's going to bring to us the knowledge that we then can understand it and then once we can understand it, we actually have the power to choose and decide which of the beliefs maybe aren't even ours. So the ones that came from our parents, so for instance that About money's really hard, it more so came from seeing what my mom was doing. So it's not necessarily a belief that is mine or that I want to or need to have. And then also it helps us decide which ones aren't serving us. So again, it's not serving me to believe that money is dangerous. Right? Money's not dangerous, it doesn't have to be dangerous. So once we decide which ones maybe weren't even created by our own choosing, so again, we were young, it was coming from experiences in our lives where we were coming from a perspective where we didn't really understand or we're being intentional, intentional about choosing those beliefs. Once we really have that awareness, knowledge, then we can actually be diligent, we can be intentional, and we can decide well, which 1am I going to let go like some I have to move forward, I have to move on with these beliefs that are going to serve me and to do so I really, I first really have to let go, the ones that are not serving me the ones that are holding me back. So let them go get rid of them, we're gonna ditch them, we're gonna throw them away, whatever you want to say they're gone. And by letting go, we create space, for the messages and the views about money that we consciously want in our lives, money beliefs of our choosing. So I'm officially telling you, it's time to press the reset button on everything you've thought and you've believed about money. Because I think we could all use a refresh, we need a reset on our money beliefs, I think most of us, if not all of us can use this. Okay. So we hit the reset, everything's wiped clear. Now, what do we do with all this space? What intentional beliefs do you want to have about money? So that's my question for you. And another one that you get to journal about, write down? What intentional beliefs do you want to have about money? What does your ideal relationship with money look like? So spend some time with those questions. That's, that's the, this is the possibilities. This is the abundance, this is where you really want to be. So here's some ideas for you for intentional beliefs. Believing I am abundant, so you are abundant. Maybe believing it's easy to make money. So that's an important one for me that it doesn't have to be hard. It's easy to have money to make money. If you think of if you have a scarcity mindset, then maybe the belief the intentional one that you want to hold is, there's plenty of money for everyone. And another one could be it's safe to have a lot of money. Again, another one, I need it. It's not dangerous. No one's gonna steal it. I mean, hopefully, I mean, there's still fabbed everywhere and whatnot. But it's you can't live your life feeling that way, right, or you're not going to welcome more money in.

Kalee Boisvert: 00:28:21

Maybe you're It's the belief that money is a tool that provides freedom and flexibility in my life. And if you can be in that intentional belief, it's really showing up to serve you, with your financial goals with where you want to get to. So it's this tool that's making those dreams become a reality. That's a really big one. And I love that one for the idea of planning for your financial future. So this is going to be a big shift. And I don't want you to, you know, be overwhelmed or anything like that. But if this is a huge shift, if this is what you've been holding on for years, for decades, then it's not going to just be an overnight change. So I would really ask you to take time journal, write down what's coming up for you what you're thinking about this. And there is going to be you know, retraining that's going to have to happen, there's going to be habits you have to break to embrace these new beliefs, the ones of your choosing the ones that are inspirational that you like that, that feel good, that really align with you more. So be patient, give yourself the time, give yourself the grace and the you know that that time to adapt to this, but also be diligent about it. So if those old beliefs come up, if you find yourself in a moment when it comes to your money where you're feeling, you know, it's hard to get money like for myself, maybe if it comes up again that it's hard, I have to work hard. I'm gonna have to put in more hours if that if that comes up again, even though I've worked on reprogramming it saying okay, it's easy. I want to believe I want that intentional belief that money comes to me with ease, then, you know, if again, I go back to those old ways, those old beliefs, that's fine. I give myself Grace and I say who I, you know, I spot it, I have the awareness, I'm going to go back into that space, I need to reframe, I need to replace that with the intentional beliefs of my choosing. So it's going to take time as your, your reprogramming, it's not, it's not as easy probably as just pushing the reset button. So that's what I would like it to be is just boop, we reset all done. But I am aware that we've spent years and years and years having these beliefs and so it's going to take time. Hopefully not as much time to reprogram, but it's still it's going to take time it's going to take being intentional. So that's it. That's all I have for you today. And I'm sending Positive Money vibes your way okay, we're being intentional. Sending all the Positive Money vibes. I can your way and I hope you enjoy this episode and I will catch you on the next one. Thank you so much for tuning in. Bye for now.